Another post I’ll probably regret by tomorrow

Today I turned 20.

Looking back on this last year, I have changed a lot.

I’ve started college. That may have been the best decision I ever made. I am doing something everyday that I truly love. I found new friends I never would have thought I’d meet. I’ve been to places I’ve never would have thought I’d go to. I’ve done things I never would have thought I’d do. I feel like I’ve only just started living.

In the next 3 or 4 remaining years of my academic life (god willing), there are a few more things I want to accomplish.

I want to start building capital and get my own place. I love my parents to bits, but I’m starting to outgrow my little sanctuary here. I want to be able to stand on my own feet.

And I want to become the best I can be at what I do.

And at the end of it all, when I have my shit together and I can finally stop worrying about those things, I am going to head for a place where the buildings reach the sky and the air is dense, where starry-eyed people watch as angels dance across the rooftops in the morning light, and I will do everything in my power to win the heart of the girl of my dreams.

It might seem like idle hope. A fool’s errand. But in my heart I know she is a person I would gladly spend the rest of my life with. In the short time that I’ve known her, she has changed my life more than anything else in this last year. Heck, maybe even the last three years. She genuinely makes me want to be a better person. Because she deserves it. And I want to be the person that deserves her.

This morning, I was at college at 8 AM, even though it was completely unnescessary. There was no actual class, I didn’t learn anything. I could have stayed in bed until noon and it would not have mattered. But I was there. And instead of getting myself down about effort I did for nothing, I felt a strange sense of pride. A rededication to being the best person I can be. And I got a lot of things done because of it.

I feel like everyday now I turn a little more into the person I wanted to be since I was a little kid. I never wanted to be a kid, I always wanted to be an adult. I wanted those things that are in my grasp now. And I never look back with regret. Because inside, that kid is still there. I carry him with me everywhere I go. And he stares out into the world with wide open eyes, amazed at who he has become…

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