I’ve been away. Not just from blogging, but from creating, too.
My creativity goes through phases, where I know very well what I want to achieve, and I burst with energy. Then, I go a bit too hard or I go down some rabbit hole, and I lose my way for a bit. Sometimes it’s a few days, sometimes a month. I’ve learned to recognize this and take it as a sign that I need to refill my creative tank.
But the past two weeks were different. I didn’t feel like creating, but I also couldn’t quite remember why I wanted to create. And not in the sense that I literally forgot, but just that I couldn’t feel it anymore. There was a big empty silhouette in the spot where my passion used to be. And damn I had no idea how to fix that. I had a lot of cool projects I could work on but I didn’t feel like it. Refilling the creative tank with cool shows/games/art didn’t work either. Plus I also felt held back by the muscles in my arm being overloaded recently, and worries about houses and friendships and more. It was a weird time.
What got me out of it was the Netflix show Sex Education. Aside from being very good, it reminded me of something I had forgotten: authenticity.
I’ve been working on a bunch of prototypes for games recently, and while they are all good game ideas, I realized they were missing something: my authenticity. I was so focused on mechanics and scope and marketability that I didn’t realize these prototypes felt hollow because they didn’t include enough of me. A relatable character, an experience I’ve had, a place I’ve been, a theme that I struggle with. I need to start from there again.
In the words of Kanye:
I just needed time alone with my own thoughts
Got treasures in my mind but couldn’t open up my own vault
My childlike creativity, purity and honesty
Was honestly being crowded by these grown thoughts